As I started this journey, I had a very specific plan and goal in mind. For me, this is my MO. I set boundaries and deadlines for myself, the problem comes when there is any deviation. I have been a perfectionist for as long as I can remember. I actually took the ACTs three times in high school aiming for a specific score. Even though I had well over the score I needed to attend pretty much any school, I was obsessed with getting as close to perfect as possible.
I also freely admit I had what I can only call a mental breakdown in college when the stress of classes and the end of a romantic relationship was too much for me to handle. I could not deal with the level of failure I was feeling.
I have come a long way since those days but I still struggle. When I injured my shoulder, I once again didn’t want to deal with failure. Instead of focusing on my nearly 20 pound weight loss, I was tormented by the 40 I had left to go. Seeing it as impossible, I gave up for a couple weeks. I mean what was the point if I couldn’t do it perfectly.
Then a couple of tragedies close to me and the discovery of art therapy awoke me to the realization that the journey is never going to be perfect. No I can’t do the hard weight focused workouts right now, but I can still move- even with modified arm movements for 30 minutes a day. I can still do an and leg workouts.
Even more importantly, I can control my diet. When I looked at my macros recently I was stunned by how many carbs and sugars I was taking in. So, I am making a pointed decision to decrease those, incprotein and healthy fat.
I also am looking at a more “Pegan” diet. A cross between Paleo and Vegan with a bit of Ketogenic thrown in!
Here Is what I am following:
1. low glycemic load – low in sugar, flour and refined carbohydrates of all kinds. I’ve gone from over 100g of carbs a day to around 50. I continue to experiment with how I can lower that. Using alternative flours like garbanzo bean or almond and cutting out processed snacks.
2. High in vegetables and fruits. I am trying to go with lower sugar fruits such as berries and limiting fruits like bananas. Also doing more green leafy veggies and less potatoes. I am still having a great time experimenting with in season veggies from my CSA.
3. Higher in good quality fats – Using coconut oil in my coffee, olive oil, nuts, seeds and avacadoes.
4. Protein in the form of tempeh or tofu mainly plus what I am getting from the nuts and seeds. I also am allowing myself to continue with Shakeology since it’s such a great superfood.
I also am just starting to read about and experiment with intermittent fasting. More on that as I learn more.
So, the second half of 2017 will be mentally positive. I will control what I can and not dwell on the rest.
Current Weight: 186